Loose Lips
by The Unsolvable Riddle
Summary: Sink ships. Harry Potter's intelligence, judgement and choice of enemy are insulted. (Mild HP x DM, HP x CC. Nothing much, people, just my bad sense of humor)


AN/Warnings: Very mild slash. Pairings, you ask? There's Harry/Draco (but it's rather hateful. Oh dear, those angry teenage hormones) and bits of Harry/Cho, but she's rather bitchy. It's probably still enjoyable if you look at it with an open-minded view, and for the bad humor value. Deal with it. Flames will be used to heat my house. Reviews will be used for world peace. cheesy smile

Short. One-shot. I don't own Harry Potter. Loose lips sink ships.

Anyways, there're loads of stories with one of them being blind. What about dumb? Bwahahah. I apologize in advanced for the pointlessness of this fic.

[Newer AN: I actually had this finished around Valentine's Day, but was too lazy to upload it. Not exactly the best thing I've written, but it was fun. :D]

Loose Lips

Harry Potter entered the Great Hall, and grudgingly sat down for dinner. Hermione and Ron stared at him for a minute.

Then another.

Just one more.

"Harry, are you alright?" Hermione prodded, and Harry shook his head furiously.

"Come on, mate, speak up." Ron insisted. Harry screamed, but it was muffled. He tried to pry open his mouth with his hands, and it didn't budge.

"Oh dear. Harry, did you get Cho angry again?" Harry rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Dear God! What has she done?" Ron nearly shouted, standing up. He only sat down when Hermione, Harry and most of the Great Hall were glaring at him. The redhead grinned sheepishly, and sat down.

Hermione sighed, and flipped her hair.

"It's a common spell that witches put on their boyfriends before they break up with them. They, quite literally, seal their mouths shut." Harry moaned, and slammed his head against the table.

"Rotten luck, Harry. Can he get rid of it, Mione?" Ron's expression became more hopeful when she nodded.

"Yes. Either Cho takes it off, or we get someone else to."

"What?"

Hermione smirked.

"The spell is administered through intense contact. Cho must have cast it while she was kissing him," Harry's face was bright red, and Ron winked and elbowed him. "We either get Cho to kiss him again and take it off, or get someone who hates Harry to kiss him."

"Excuse me? If you haven't noticed, this school has been dubbed the Harry Potter Fan Club Central - oh. OH. Sorry mate." Ron slapped him on the back, and shook his head.

Harry was now insulted that Ron had figured out something before him. Hermione might be the smart one, but he was HARRY POTTER. He figured stuff out because he needed to save the world.

"Mmph? MMN!" Harry screeched, still confused, as Hermione continued to explain.

"The spell only works if the caster has enough dislike, usually hate, it works the best, for their target. A similar emotion should unlatch Harry's trap." She promptly stood up, and marched towards the Slytherin table.

In Harry Potter's mind, everything that Hermione had been rambling about clicked. The hypothetical light bulb above his head flickered on.

This light bulb brought despair. The proverbial light bulb sparked, fizzled, and then, exploded.

"Mmmn…" Harry sobbed, and Ron placed a hand on his shoulder.

"My thoughts exactly. You poor thing." Ron smiled grimly as Harry rested his head Ron's shoulder, and continued to pray for mercy.

---

"Oi! Malfoy! Care to place a wager?" A determined Hermione Granger stalked up to the Slytherin table, where a Draco Malfoy was about to bite into a roast beef sandwich.

"How much, Granger, and what exactly are the terms?" He replied, wiggling his eyebrows up and down, knowing Granger couldn't stand that.

"Ten galleons if you snog Potter." She planted both hands on the table, and stared straight at him. The Slytherin table fell silent.

"You must be out of your mind." He stated simply, before he attacked the much-more-appetizing-than-Potter sandwich.

"Fifteen." She knew Malfoy liked money, even though he was disgustingly rich. The blonde was peering into his sandwich, looking at it as if he had found a large cockroach inside.

The whole Slytherin table was interested now, and Pansy was giggling.

"Never." He re-opened his sandwich, and spread more mayonnaise on it.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Malfoy. And the day after that, and the day after that. Until you accept." She almost whispered, her eyes on fire as she stood up, fixed her skirt, and walked back to the Gryffindor table.

"Crazy bitch." Draco muttered, before catching Potter's eye. The green-eyed boy scowled, and Draco smirked in response, along with the eyebrow movements.

This (quite predictably) caused Potter to scowl deeper. He tried to stick out his tongue, but was halted from doing so. Harry's scowl fell, and Ron patted his back again, sympathetic as ever.

---

"Cho! Cho Chang!" Hermione shouted, clutching her books and racing towards the girl.

The Ravenclaw turned on her heel, and smiled at Hermione.

"Yes, Hermione?" Her voice was a bit too sweet for the Gryffindor, but she shrugged it off.

"I was wondering if you'd help Harry's lips. Snape's been pegging him all week; we've lost at least a hundred house points. Please, Cho."

Cho's molasses brown eyes turned to solid, cold dark chocolate, and she snorted.

"Help Potter? He only liked me because he felt guilty about Cedric. Serves him right. I won't be loosening his lips any time soon." She smirked, and shimmied off down the hall.

Ooh, that went well.

---

"Malfoy! Twenty galleons."

"Do me a favor and fuck off."

"Not for you, Malfoy. I'd rather die a virgin."

---

Ron looked desperately at Hermione, as Harry continued to sob almost hysterically into his shoulder.

"Harry, please. At least you're not blind." Ron offered. Said boy stared up at Ron before sobbing louder than ever. It had almost been two months, the supposed hero of the Wizarding World couldn't take it much longer. It wasn't even Voldemort or Malfoy who had caused his nervous breakdown - it was a girl. A RAVENCLAW.

"Granger!" Malfoy yelled from across the Hall. "Tell Potter to shut the hell up!"

"Thirty-five galleons!" She called back. The Hall fell silent, and Malfoy scowled, while Hermione batted her eyelashes and puckered her lips.

"Drop dead." He hissed, but it was very audible. Nervous laughter filled the Hall, and Hermione grinned. He was snapping.

Snape surveyed Dumbledore with one raised eyebrow, and the Headmaster chuckled.

"Hmm. Yes. Quite interesting, don't you think, Serverus?"

"Oh, yes sir. Simply enthralling."

---

Harry Potter was abducted on his way to Charms three weeks later. For a split second, he thought that somehow, the Dark Lord had been able to get another Death Eater into Hogwarts.

It was only Malfoy, and he looked…disgruntled? No. Perhaps infinitely pissed off. Well, he always was anyway, but, it seemed worse than usual.

"Mm mn mmnmnn, Mmnn?" (1) Harry asked, and Draco had a feeling he didn't want to

know what he had just said.

"Listen to me. I am sick of Granger stalking me, of you whining all day, and sobbing like a girl. I am tired of Weasley acting like your sympathetic ex-boyfriend. I. Hate. You." He hissed, his face very, very close to the other's.

Potter's eyes were amazingly wide, and his glasses clinked against Malfoy's nose as Harry felt his lips unlatch.

Harry sidestepped Malfoy, and moved his jaw in relief.

"Oh, God, thank you Malfoy. Never thought I'd say that, but thank you." He beamed at the blonde, before resuming his route to 'Charms'.

Malfoy scowled, and glared at the retreating Harry Potter, twirling a galleon between his fingers. He knew exactly where Potter was going.

To be blunt, he was rather disgusted.

Everyone knew that Chang didn't like Potter. She only felt sorry for him, because she was a goody-two-shoes Ravenclaw whose reputation would seem much more perfect if Harry Potter's name was on her list of boyfriends.

"She's not worth it, Potter."

Harry stopped dead in his tracks, and spun around.

But Malfoy was already gone.

_- Finite Incantatem -_

-----------------------

(1) Harry said "That time of the month, Malfoy?" Teehee. Hope you liked. Haven't posted a H/D story in a while, it was good fun. :D


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